Becoming Un-Blocked

Today I am going to get acupuncture done. I've been struggling BIG, lately...feeling anxious, afraid, fearful, hopeless. I can function well on the outside, I've always been good at that - but, inside it is clear that I am "unwell." I have had opportunities to master picking myself up, I will always pick myself up. I refuse to give in to these feelings (I am sure the Devil has been enjoying the spot I've been in).
One morning I was driving to work and I prayed to God to help me with these awful feelings that have been so incredibly strong. I really felt that they were taking a hold of me, strangling me. I told Him that I don't want to take anything for what has felt a lot like depression. I told Him that I want Him to come in and eject that crap right out of me. I want Him to be the one to transform my insides. Nothing else. Him alone. When you go to God whole-heartedly, He always responds because you are giving Him a really good environment to work in. That day that I prayed, he used someone that I hardly knew to pray over me. This person felt prompted to pray over me for peace (the opposite of being depressed). He used a person that I wasn't even sure about because He really wanted me to know it was Him working through her.
In addition to praying for help, I later prayed specifically for a path. I feel like there is something keeping me from becoming pregnant. I feel blocked. I can't explain it other than I am very in tune with my feelings and I just feel off balance inside my body. The day I prayed for a path, I talked in depth to Aunt Margie about her chiropractor who also does acupuncture (I've been researching this). Next thing you know I am on the phone with this Dr. (who by the way knew and loved my Grandma) and she is telling me how she has helped people who had trouble conceiving and also people who have had issues keeping their babies. SOLD!!! Stick needles in me lady, I'm not scared : ) I really think that the longer it takes to become pregnant, the harder my life gets. I do feel at peace with the loss (as much as I possibly can), but what I find to not be peaceful is the fact that everywhere I turn everyone has their own families. Mostly all of my cousins and friends have children of their own. I love my family, but I find myself dreading family get togethers. I really don't want to feel that way. We took Emily to the Dells for her 10th birthday recently and we really had a nice time, but I came home feeling worse! I didn't realize how affected I would be by the family waterpark we stayed at. I am sure I wasn't the only one there without kids of their own, but it sure seemed like it. This probably all sounds like self-pity, but it's not...I let myself feel down, and then I work through it. That is life. I won't ever just suck it up. I will feel, I will hurt, I will cry until I can't cry anymore. But, I will never ever give up. I will never give in to the sadness. I truly desire to be a vessel of God's love and how can I do that if I'm all sad and poor me?! So today I am fighting back. Today I am getting poked with needles so I can become unblocked and get on a different sort of path...one that hopefully involves having a baby of my own. I love all of these kids around me. They make me so happy. But, I really just want to be someone's mommy. I really just want that. Roxy is tired of me suffocating her. She is an animal. Poor girl :)