This is THE Year!

Another year will soon come to a close...just like that. Older people say, "Oh you just wait, it gets faster the older you get!" And, I think...how could it get any faster? The main thing that I've been working on is sloooowing my roll. I like to move fast! I walk fast, I eat fast, I take fast showers, you name it...my regular speed is set to fast. I'm really not sure what the hurry has been all about?
I have learned a lot this year about myself. And, for the first time instead of beating myself up about what I am not - I am learning to put my efforts towards what I am. I am "giving myself some grace" as my dear mentor reminds me.

I love Van Gogh and for those that have been in my home, know that, because he is present in most of the rooms. One of his quotes that has really "yelled" at me this year more than any other is, "IF YOU HEAR A VOICE WITHIN YOU SAY 'YOU CANNOT PAINT,' THEN BY ALL MEANS PAINT, AND THAT VOICE WILL BE SILENCED." Isn't that awesome?! All of the people who walked this Earth and did amazing things heard that voice. Just because they cultivated their talents doesn't mean they did it without the fear of failure...in fact, they all just plowed through the fear. And, I bet it was hard!

I had a wonderful Christmas with my family. Rob and I are blessed. I am always aware of that, but Christmas has a way of highlighting that for us. It's been snowing a lot, so he has had to work each day - but, he's a good sport and the extra money is always a help to us. I especially feel blessed this year to wake up in this home. It is a true winter wonderland outside our lovely windows. I don't feel like an imposter living in Grandma and Grandpa's home. I just feel at home. And, I feel loved by this house. It's so cool to get to create our memories here. My soul has opened up more living here. I've been feeling more creative...in the kitchen, in my journaling, in my decorating. I can breathe better here. This morning, I got up with Rob at 2am and made his lunch and coffee so he could go plow all day. After he left, Roxy and I walked around in the snow. I would have never done things like that before. I took pictures and just was really present in the beauty of it all. I did, of course, go back to bed afterwards :)

There is a quote that pin points exactly what I am feeling as this year (chapter) comes to a close. "WHAT IN YOUR LIFE IS CALLING YOU? WHEN ALL THE NOISE IS SILENCED, THE MEETINGS ADJOURNED, THE LISTS LAID ASIDE...WHAT STILL PULLS ON YOUR SOUL?"

This is such an easy answer for me, it's always been this one thing...writing. Not because I think I am this incredible writer, but because the writing has always been what I do. If everything else was stripped away, what would show is a girl who just has a strong need to write. I don't put most of it here, it's too complicated and bare. I am not that brave...yet. But, I have lots and lots of journals and notebooks all over this house that contain that love.

I've been cutting back on extra involvements in my life. I want to make room for creativity. Being on a schedule all the time really wrecks that creativity. I need space to feel it and do it.

I also read a lot (every single day) - sometimes 5 books at a time...a chapter out of this one, two chapters out of that one. You should see my nightstand and my side of the bed...books scattered all over! I read in this writing book the other day about how the author thought about writing this one book for 6 years! And, when he actually sat down to write it, it only took 60 days! It made me realize the importance of letting something stew inside of you. I like to think all of these things that are happening in my life and around me are simply stewing and one day...one day I will take it all and make a great meal. Somehow it always comes back to food for me! What I am trying to just say is that I want to write. I need to write. I am writing. And, someday I will write to completion. I don't know what will happen, I have learned to stay detached from outcomes. But, I know that I will do it. Because the whisperings of my soul are getting louder and louder. And, even I can only ignore things for so long.



Wishing you a creative New Year!