Build Anyway

So, I didn't have to endure the pain of Frosty melting - instead, I came home last night to find that he had been destroyed. I walked into the house and asked Rob if he had done the damage-thinking maybe he was just over the whole snowman in the front yard thing. He had just got home shortly before me and said some punk kid must have done it. At first I was upset, feeling sort of violated. But, after I pictured some kid showing off for his friend by running into our yard and plowing through a man made out of snow - I quickly got over it. Because though they took away our very cool snowman, they can't take away the fun, quality, father-daughter moment that Rob and Emily had making it. And, isn't life like that ... you build, and what you build can be destroyed - taken away. But, that is not the part you hold on to. You hold on to the joy in the building or even the joy in building back up again. There are things that can never be taken away from you. That fact is up there with the coolest things I love about God. The ability to stay centered - to stay warmly wrapped in a blanket of His Love - no matter what is happening in the world around you.

Rob and I have been wanting to become pregnant again since August (1 year to the month after we lost Faith). And, it's just not happening right now. However, what is happening is that everyone around me is becoming pregnant. So, if you have anyone that wants a baby - just have them become close to me and they'll probably wind up pregnant. Ha! I really am ok about this, but I would be lying if I didn't say that I don't have minor breakdowns each time I hear about yet another person that is 'with child.' I think it is very healthy to feel your feelings. And, believe me - I do. But, the good news is that I won't have any insane moments later in life that pop out of nowhere! Like the guy that walks into his workplace and just shoots everyone. That guy clearly should have let himself feel all of his feelings rather then letting it all build up to the (literal) point of explosion. If I could give you any advice it would simply be this ... feel your feelings people!!! Even if they hurt like hell.

I know that the only real void filler in life - is God Himself. I understand that having a child of my own - though that would add to our life - is not a void filler. So, rather than make the mistake of pining for a child to make me whole, I have been drawing even nearer to Jesus. I don't look at this time as a time of loss - or not having. I'm viewing it as an opportunity to sharpen my Faith. And, you know what - I am happy. I am feeling more whole than I've ever felt. And, I am thankful of what I do have - because it is a lot.

And, on that note - I will leave you with a picture (or two) that break my heart every time I look at them! What a little love muffin! I would like to introduce you to Tucker...he belongs to my brother, Nate's, family.