You Never Let Go

This morning I went to my OBGYN to discuss next steps. He told me to come back in August (meaning last month) if I wasn't pregnant because that would be a year of "trying." I felt super overwhelmed after I left. Mainly because I don't want to have to do anything (other than the obvious) to become pregnant. They want to make sure I am actually ovulating so at some point next week I'll go and get that checked out among other things that I really don't feel like writing about. I told my mom, this morning, that I am pretty sure the fastest way to become pregnant is to get a puppy. I'm not giving up on having a baby, but it seems that is when stuff usually happens...when you are truly able to let it go. I don't know if we're going to need "help" getting pregnant and that is what I am working on figuring out. I will be 32 in November and while that is not old, it's also not young. Today, I spent a lot of time with my friend Erin who had her own pregnancy journey...years of "help" and now she has almost 6 year old twins! It was so good for me to be with her because she has been down a serious road and gave me a lot of things to think about. The one thing I remember about her journey(we have been friends for 17 years now so I was around for all of it) is that she always remained hopeful and expected God to bless her with children. It was hard, and exhausting and there were breakdowns...but, she always had hope in her heart. That is something to keep for sure!
Yesterday, we went to church as a family and I was crying within the first minute of sitting down. I was so touched by the music...one of the songs they sang was one that I listend to TONS after we lost the baby...yet another sign that I am on track. The message was amazing. It is in those moments that I realize how broken my heart still is. I also joined a small group which will meet on Wednesday nights at one of the pastor's houses. I feel nervous about that, but also excited. I really, really feel God in all of this. Part of me just wanted to skip the whole small group thing (so out of my comfort zone), but I feel him nudging me to do this and one thing I am learning is to be obedient to that still, small voice. I know He has something for me, I feel it in my entire being.

Here is the song...