My Grandpa H. died in 2001. He had cancer and we watched him deteriorate for a long time and proceeded to watch as he was dying for 3 long months. It was a hard time, but the family was always together and in that time of mourning we created memories to keep us together. I never wanted that slow fade for my Grandma. I prayed for her to go "gently in the night" when her time came.
After she broke her hip, I read a lot about that and learned that a hip fracture (in older women)is usually the beginning of the end...and so it has been for her.
I think we all thought she would bounce back because she has so many times. She is such a fighter! Her spirit is absolutely amazing. She has never wanted to "give in." But, she is at that place. She hasn't eaten, hasn't got out of bed, and is half here and half not here. Yesterday, I spent the entire day near her. We sang to her (badly), we loved her and we cried a lot. Again, in this sad time our family has created a lot of good moments together. What a blessing a close family is. I don't want her to suffer, but I also don't want to lose her...because once her presence is gone, nothing will ever be the same.
The morning my Grandpa died, my mom came in my room and told me that it was time, and asked if I wanted to be in the room when he passed. I pulled the covers over my head and cried. I did not go. As sick and 'out of it' as my Grandpa was he knew right when he was going to die and called all of his children to come. They watched as he passed from His earthly life into His new Heavenly life. At the time, that was not beautiful to me ... that was downright scary! But, I am in a different place now. And, I so desire to be in the room when Grandma goes. So we watch and we wait and it all feels like a dream. I know where she is going, and yes that does bring comfort. And, last week before she took this severe downturn I sat with her and we had a lovely, lovely visit. We always do. She has given me so much to hold on to. A long time ago, I asked her to send me a sign from Heaven that only I would understand. She said she would. Not because I don't believe, but because I just think that would be awesome. I brought this up after she broke her hip and she told me that she remembered. I can't wait to see what it's going to be. I know that if I truly believe (and I do), that I will receive that sign.
Yesterday, I whispered to her that when I moved into her house I was going to bake all the time. I have no idea where that came from! But, I have always been a keeper of my word...and so it looks like I might turn into Molly Homemaker after all.
Today, I am grateful that even though this is a sad time, it's also a time of celebration. My Grandma has lived her entire life for Jesus. She read her bible everyday before her day began. She prayed for her family and people who needed prayers every single day. Even when she was not doing well, she still always prayed for all of us. She always had that sweet, childlike wonder and faith about her. How wonderful it is that she is going Home to the one that has made her so special.
