Live While I'm Alive

Who knew that I would get my most recent bout of inspiration from none other than... a Bon Jovi concert!!! This past Thursday I spent the day at Summerfest and attended the Bon Jovi concert that evening. It was awesome! He is still rockin' it hard. The coolest part was the energy that he created which transferred to the crowd. It's true that there are many bad things happening all over the world, but during that 2 1/2 hours thousands of people were happily gathered to hear some cool lyrics ... such as:
It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive (hence today's blog title)

The rest of the weekend was spent on the beloved Phantom. For 4 days straight I did not do any of the following:
-put in or transfer laundry
-put dishes in the dishwasher
-sweep the dog hair off of the floor
-make our bed
-take a shower (ha! just kidding...seeing if you're paying attention)

I did do the following:
-laughed like I haven't laughed in years
-got a nice tan (and like a million more freckles)
-ate at really cool places along the lake (fish tacos, anyone?)
-lost a cool headband that flew off of my head because we were going so fast
-imagined dying a few times as we jumped waves (and actually felt really happy that if I did die it would be on a perfect day)
-decided that I want to get another tattoo (a Faith tattoo to be exact)

I completely unplugged and if you know me at all - that is near impossible (by my own fault).

I am someone who tries to consciously live my life. So, the moment we lost the baby I went into "I have to heal myself mode." I did all the 'right' things...read amazing books, wrote a letter to the hospital for closure in regards to things that happened there, found comforting blogs to read, talked to friends and family in depth about my feelings, cried a ton, talked myself out of dressing Roxy in the babies clothes (so not joking here),let myself feel all of the pain (ouch), and most importantly got to know God for who He really is (can we say, AWESOME). This weekend I had a serious aha moment! It was Sunday, we had started the morning by going to church as a family. That went well. Emily loved it!!! Rob enjoyed it-too. I could also tell he was relieved that Emily dug it. But, if you knew her - you'd know she is down for whatever whenever. Just like her Dad. They make it so easy ... anyway, back to the moment. Rob and I were boating with two of his buddies and we docked to take a potty break. Him and I ran to the washrooms while the others held the boat (it's a lot of work to tie that sucker up). As were were headed for relief, I was bubbling over with happiness...scratch that...I was bubbling over with JOY. Rob told me he has never seen me laugh so much. I told him that I felt HEALED. You see, the one thing that I forgot to put on my "how to correctly heal after loss" list was to HAVE FUN.

Sunshine and Church

FINALLY. Beautiful weather.
I've been trying to not let the issue of weather affect my outlook, but the fact of the matter is that it does! Winter is soooo long here...we dream of summer for months and months (and months and months), June comes and the expectation is that June should be nice! But, it really hasn't been. I was just about to throw in the towel, move to Florida to live with some nasty bugs and be done with the Midwest once and for all!!! Fortunately for everyone involved, yesterday and today have been wonderful. So, I am staying put - for now.
I've been doing really well with spending quiet time with the Lord each morning. The other day my mom called during one of those precious quiet times and I nearly bit her head off. I learned in that moment that I have a long way to go! I apologized later, but she told me that it didn't surprise her which basically indicated that I must have a lot farther to go than I thought. I read in one of Wayne Dyer's books (love that guy) about how the people that frustrate us the most are our life's greatest teachers...our reminders that we don't have it all worked out just yet.
I'm trying to get up even earlier so that after my little bible study I have time to sit still and listen for God's whisper. I have a lot of aspects of my life right now that have big fat question marks attached to them. Decisions to make (or not to make), stuff like that. I have been thinking about church a lot lately. I haven't been ready to make a Sunday morning commitment for a long time. I hadn't been ready to even think about going to church...until recently. I know that God himself placed a desire in my heart to begin. Suddenly, it's as if a huge neon sign was flashing in front of me on my path...IT'S TIME is all it said. There is a local church that I've been thinking about. I just felt something about that church. I didn't know why, I try not to ask so many questions at this point in my life. I'm not kidding, the very next day one of my friends (who goes there once in awhile) asked if I wanted to go to church with her. Then, one of our clients at the salon started talking to me about the church. God knows I am someone who requires a lot of signs from him indicating if I am on track with something...and I will tell you, if that something is from him...then the signs, they will come! So, Sunday I wake up and it's absolutely beautiful outside. Rob wants to go boating for the day and I remember how I really want to be obedient to God and how I really do desire to go to church. So, I told him I'd meet him and Emily afterwards. Don't wait for me, just go boating and we'll meet later. It would have been really easy to give in and just go play with them. God is obviously doing some work in me.
Church was great. I knew it would be. There were friendly faces there, the music was uplifting, the service was powerful. And, the message .... oh, the message. It was all about how we need to share Jesus with others. In particular, people that do not know Christ at all. This message went straight to my heart...it is so easy for me to share myself and my relationship with God with those people that I know are of the Lord. It is so easy for me to spend that quiet time in the morning with Him...just the two of us. But, spread the message ... I don't do that. But, the Lord is speaking to me and I am doing my best to listen and then take that faithful, yet frightening, first step.