Blue Moon

Tonight there is a blue moon. A blue moon is the second full moon that occurs in a calender month (basically, an extra moon). A blue moon occurs on average once every 2.5 years. I took a picture of the moon so that you could see it is definitely not blue, but beautiful for sure. The next time a blue moon will occur on New Year's Eve will be in 2028, so I took a picture of tonight's moon...because Lord only knows what I will be up to in 2028. And, man isn't that the truth...? The Lord only knows. It took me a long time to be okay with the not knowing.

When I pictured the year 2010 (back in the day), I was totally thinking Jetson's. Flying our cars in the sky and all that futuristic stuff. Ha!

Tonight, we're celebrating at a party at my brother's house. Then, tomorrow afternoon we'll be with my Dad's side of the family - making up for the fact that we didn't get together at Christmastime. Then, it's down to business. I am ready to do some damage (good damage) this year. Full of inspiration and ideas for the big year that lies ahead.

Wishing you a Happy New Year! Just remember when making those New Year's resolutions that "now is later."

Hope

It's always sad when Christmas comes to an end. We enjoyed a nice Christmas this year. I felt really relaxed, mainly because of the early preparation.
Christmas Eve Rob had to be at work at 3AM to plow.We were planning to "pretend" that Christmas Eve was Christmas morning since Emily was with us and wouldn't be for the real Christmas morning (we alternate each year), but with Rob working we had to patiently wait for him to return home to open our presents. CJ and Alyssa came and spent the morning with us and as always that was a fun time. I love having kids in the house.

Christmas Eve night we went to Rob's parents and celebrated there. Christmas morning, we made breakfast and brought it to my parents. Then, Rob and I went to a movie! I have never ever been anywhere but with family on Christmas...but, we decided to take a little break from the action. I cannot believe how many people go to the movies on Christmas Day! We saw "Did You Hear About the Morgans." It was cute. Not amazing, but definitely cute. Then, Rob went to get Emily and we spent the rest of the evening at my parents.

Yesterday and today have been chillax. I am loving it. I promised not to make our time off overly busy. I want to feel as renewed as possible going into the New Year. Tomorrow, is my mom (and Alyssa's) birthday. I am going to spend the day with mom...doing what we love to do...hitting up our favorite store ever(Marshalls), a few quaint little shops, and then we'll top that off with Chili's for lunch. Yum! I can taste the chips and salsa just thinking about it. I'm making her (and my) favorite cake from scratch...no boxes this year, baby! Red Velvet Cake from The Pioneer Woman's cookbook. Then, it's back to work (reality) on Tuesday.

I don't know about you, but doesn't the year 2010 sound absolutely exciting!!! I can feel that this is going to be a gigantic year for us. I am remaining hopeful. This morning during our Sunday coffee drive (my favorite part of every week), I told Rob that the seasons are such a great analogy for life itself. Winter is hard, but there is also beauty in it (like the fact that I am looking at the snow fall out the window as I type this)...you just have to look for the beauty. But, the thing that makes winter the absolute best is the thought of summer. The hopefulness and the expectancy that summer will eventually come. If you get through the winter, you can get to the summer. And, that pretty much sums up how I feel about my life right now. If I can get through the winter (the struggle/the pain) by finding beauty in the winter (the struggle) as well as remember that summer (goodness) will eventually come...then, all can be well. And, you're definitely going to want to find the beauty in your winters because in case you haven't noticed...the winters are always much longer than the summers! Interesting, don't you think.

Build Anyway

So, I didn't have to endure the pain of Frosty melting - instead, I came home last night to find that he had been destroyed. I walked into the house and asked Rob if he had done the damage-thinking maybe he was just over the whole snowman in the front yard thing. He had just got home shortly before me and said some punk kid must have done it. At first I was upset, feeling sort of violated. But, after I pictured some kid showing off for his friend by running into our yard and plowing through a man made out of snow - I quickly got over it. Because though they took away our very cool snowman, they can't take away the fun, quality, father-daughter moment that Rob and Emily had making it. And, isn't life like that ... you build, and what you build can be destroyed - taken away. But, that is not the part you hold on to. You hold on to the joy in the building or even the joy in building back up again. There are things that can never be taken away from you. That fact is up there with the coolest things I love about God. The ability to stay centered - to stay warmly wrapped in a blanket of His Love - no matter what is happening in the world around you.

Rob and I have been wanting to become pregnant again since August (1 year to the month after we lost Faith). And, it's just not happening right now. However, what is happening is that everyone around me is becoming pregnant. So, if you have anyone that wants a baby - just have them become close to me and they'll probably wind up pregnant. Ha! I really am ok about this, but I would be lying if I didn't say that I don't have minor breakdowns each time I hear about yet another person that is 'with child.' I think it is very healthy to feel your feelings. And, believe me - I do. But, the good news is that I won't have any insane moments later in life that pop out of nowhere! Like the guy that walks into his workplace and just shoots everyone. That guy clearly should have let himself feel all of his feelings rather then letting it all build up to the (literal) point of explosion. If I could give you any advice it would simply be this ... feel your feelings people!!! Even if they hurt like hell.

I know that the only real void filler in life - is God Himself. I understand that having a child of my own - though that would add to our life - is not a void filler. So, rather than make the mistake of pining for a child to make me whole, I have been drawing even nearer to Jesus. I don't look at this time as a time of loss - or not having. I'm viewing it as an opportunity to sharpen my Faith. And, you know what - I am happy. I am feeling more whole than I've ever felt. And, I am thankful of what I do have - because it is a lot.

And, on that note - I will leave you with a picture (or two) that break my heart every time I look at them! What a little love muffin! I would like to introduce you to Tucker...he belongs to my brother, Nate's, family.

Frosty

Yesterday, I came home from work and saw this in my front yard.

After Rob got home from work (after being up since 2am-he plows), him and Emily created the best looking snow man I've seen. It made my heart happy! I'll be very sad when this rockstar melts.

I regret to inform you...

What an action packed week this has been! Monday we made dinner for Rob's parents and had them over so that they could see our house decorated for Christmas. Tuesday, I went out with my great friend, Amber (someday, I'll have to write an entire chapter about that cool girl). Wednesday, Rob's dad really wanted to make chili so we went over and ate it for him (ha!). Thursday, we went to a dinner for my chamber and then to Emily's Christmas concert at school. Tonight, I am heading out to see White Christmas at Genesee Theater. I have been wanting to go there since it re-opened and am excited to finally have the opportunity! Definitely an action-packed week, but December is just that kind of month. I have loved every bit of it, but I am exhausted.

My parents are out of town for a short visit to see my Nanny (my Mom's mom) in Michigan, so we're back on animal duty-too! Tonight, I got their mail and there was a card addressed to my Grandma. It made me very sad to think that she has a friend out there who doesn't even know she died. Reading the card quickly snapped me back into reality. In all my busyness, what I have loved was being with my people. Because that is all that matters when it comes down to it...your people. I came home and wrote out a Christmas card to Grandma's friend, Rosalie, who lives in Indiana but, who apparently grew up with her here based on some things she wrote in the card. My letter started with, I regret to inform you ...
...that my Grandma went to be with Jesus on October 3rd.

In all the rush and chaos of the season, I received the gift of a pause. A moment that sat me down to remember what this CHRISTmas season is all about.

A Moment of Silence

Life is a blur and then you die.
Life is a whirlwind and then you fall down.
Life is moving fast and I don't want to keep up anymore.

I am exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I realized today that I've turned to a new coping mechanism. I used to have other ones, but as I've evolved as a more whole person I have let them go. Busyness has become my drug of choice. I've become overly involved. Tonight, I seriously think I had a breakdown. It all started when I was carrying left-over food trays into the house from a party that our business co-sponsored. I dropped one of the huge trays in our driveway and the food spilled out (I'm sure there will be some appreciative, creepy animals out there later cleaning that mess up). I seriously wanted to lay down in the snow and cry. Rob did stop by the party earlier, but had to get home and get some sleep because he has been getting up at 12:30am (bless his heart) the past two days for snow cleanup. He was sleeping soundly until his maniac wife (um, that would be me) comes in slamming everything around. I couldn't help it...I went over the edge or something near it. He came out to see what in the world was happening in our kitchen and found me in a puddle of tears as I'm putting meatballs into tupperware. Sometimes you just need a good cry.

I realized I had to write tonight. Pretty or not. I'm just so tired of spinning life. I know that a lot of people feel this way. I am sure you do. I really think that is the cause of a lot of issues in our world today. We don't stop enough. I really just want to stop. Slow my roll. Shut er down.

I don't want to have to secure a date on the calendar in order to hit the pause button on my life. I want to incorporate the stopping into my daily life. I really like when you're at an event and the announcer says "can we now please have a moment of silence for such and such." I wish I had a loudspeaker that would pierce through this hectic world and just say..."um, can we please have a moment of silence before we all go postal!!!"

As I was typing the last paragraph, this bible verse came to mind (I bet you can guess who put it there).

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28

God constantly reminds me that it doesn't have to be this way. It's my choice. I say yes to the busyness. I choose the chaos. And, why do I do that? Why do we do that? I think it's because reacting to life is so much easier than creating life. Reacting is not really making decisions about what you want (or don't want) in your life...it's just going along with everything that is happening around you. Whereas creating your life is making decisions to leave things behind, to lead a more focused life.

Wide Path vs. Narrow Path. One is easier. One is harder. One is draining. One is fulfilling. I'm learning that walking the narrow path is a daily decision. A choice that has to be made every single day. Even Jesus had to go to the mountain and leave the people. I clearly need some time on the mountain.

4th Grade Rocks my Socks!

I am loving having a 4th grader in my life. 4th grade was definitely one of my favorite years in school. I loved my teacher (she is now Emily's principle), I won the apple award, and 3rd grade was rough so of course that year was like a trillion times better!
But, what I remember most about 4th grade was learning the states and state capitals. I LOVED memorizing each one. I even remember taking the test. I was one of the first kids to turn mine in and I got them all right. A proud moment in my life!

I am super excited because Emily has reached the point in her 4th grade class where she is learning the beloved states and their capitals. Rob usually has helped her with her homework by the time I get home, but I requested to be the one to work with her on this. She is currently learning the NorthEast states. It's so crazy that FUN to me used to be a night out at a bar and now a FUN night to me is teaching Emily easy ways to memorize capitals. When did this happen? : )

And, people...the state capital of New Year is not New York City!!! Ha!
...(it's Albany)

Found

Found ... 2 adorable gray kittens. 1 male, 1 female.
So, yesterday when I got to work there was a note on my desk to call one of our clients who thinks they may have kittens from my parents house. Loooong story short, the kittens did in fact go on a field trip and followed some kids up the hill. They've been living in a neighbors house since Thanksgiving. They did call my parents and left a message thinking they could possibly belong to them, but of course they are out of town and I didn't think to check their phone messages. The interesting thing is that Monday I was praying really hard about those kittens. I couldn't believe how much it was bothering me. Monday is when the lady called the salon looking for me!

Mom and Dad will be home Friday and I can't wait. It's ridiculous how much I miss them and it's not because I'm tired of animal duty. I'm used to seeing my Dad every day at work and his to do list is really starting to pile up! :) And, I'm really missing mom's cooking. Sometimes I wonder when I am going to actually feel like an adult. Ha!