Little Children, Big Thoughts

“Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3

This is my beautiful niece, Alyssa. She is 5 and magical.

We had a recent conversation that went like this.

Alyssa- "Didn't you have a baby?"

Me-"Yes, but she died and went to heaven to be with Jesus."

Alyssa-"Well, I hope all your babies don't die and go to heaven."

Me-"Me too, Alyssa, me too."

I couldn't even be sad, it was one of those precious moments that I will never ever forget.

Taking Courage

"In the world you will have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

Did you know that courage is not the absence of fear? I once read this quote, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." This really helped me to understand that fear and courage can and do co-exist.

I have gotten myself into a wonderful habit of spending time with Jesus before my day begins. I'm doing a daily bible study (Catherine Martin's Six Secrets To A Powerful Quiet Time) which is literally saving my life! I am carrying around a lot of 'junk' (aren't we all)... some old, some new and I have to say that Jesus is cleansing my spirit. Something happened today that normally would have took me down hard, but it didn't - at all. I still can't believe how 'ok' I am about it. I know for a fact that it is because I have taken up the full armor of the Lord. He really is a shield to those that trust and believe in Him. It's true that I have a long way to go in my walk, but it's also true that I have come a long way!

The coolest thing that I know is that Jesus lives. There will be trials, there will be trouble, there will be a lot of imperfection...but, it's ok. It's just all ok. I am taking courage ... and I am afraid. And, that too is ok.

Desire's Puppet

Rather than start from the beginning, I will start from this day...Mother's Day. An interesting day when you have a mother's heart, but no physical proof that you are in fact a mother. About one month ago, the Lord put a desire in my heart to sponsor a child in India. I have always been leery of groups that lead sponsorship programs. You send a check, but where does it go? Remember those commercials that would pan through a crowd of sad, starving children? Remember how easy it was to convince yourself that they told the kids to put on their most frowny faces. That it was all an act to get money...because it made you feel better about sitting in your easy, want for nothing, life? Ignorance is bliss, right?

I did attempt to push aside the desire to cancel our HBO package and use that money to select a child from the Compassion website to sponsor instead. Hmmmm...see the next season of Entourage or change a life? I am embarrassed that this was a decision that I had to wrestle with.

But, the desire held on firmly as God gently nudged me along (sometimes he is so specific, you can't even doubt if something is from him). You see, he knows me. I am always hesitant about anything new. I am chicken.

This morning I woke up and found myself writing, of all things, about being obedient to God. I was sitting, very comfortably, on my red couch when desire overtook the situation and won. You could say that I became desire's puppet. I sprung up off of that couch like my pants were on fire, talked to Rob briefly about the sponsorship and asked if he trusted me, and then sat down at the computer to find 'the one'.

I decided to search for a child who has the same birthday as our angel baby, Faith Marie. August 22nd. Four lovely children's pictures popped up on the screen. I saw her immediately. Niha. 6 years old. Beautiful. I plugged in my information, pressed send, and a confirmation appeared on the screen. It was official. As of 8:22 this morning, I am sponsoring a child in India. Did I mention how specific Jesus can be?