Stop!

Sometimes I need to be stopped. I walk too fast, I can't help myself. Places to go, things to do. Ha! I have a running to do list in my head constantly. The other day I had a moment of feeling like my life is turning into something to be checked off a list. Put it on the list, check it off. It's become an exhausting, joyless habit. It made me sad thinking about it. Soon after, I was out 'doing my life', checking things off of my list and suddenly I got stopped. And, I literally laughed out loud...in my car, by myself. I believe God has a huge sense of humor!

I know in my heart that God did not intend for us to judge ourselves by how much we can accomplish. It's the whole Martha/Mary scenario. Martha was sooooo busy when Jesus came for a visit. And, she judged herself by that (thinking she was right to be busy)and she judged others by their lack of being busy. Mary sat at His feet and He was pleased with her. This is such a picture for me! I know God wants me to just stop and enjoy his presence. To value myself the way that He values me...and that has everything to do with being and not so much to do with doing!!!

Happy Birthday, Molly!

My sock stealin', shoe chewin', bone hidin', always havin' to go outside, Roxy ear bitin', acts like she's starvin', rollin' in fox poo, crazy little girl turned one yesterday!

Her energy is boundless, her lovin' is timeless. She is super fun, mega annoying, and fills such a void in my heart.

I could hug her and spank her all at the same time. She is good and she is bad and she has been everything I needed this past year.

Happy Birthday to my sweet, Molly.

Nanny

On November 8th, my Grandmother (whom we called Nanny) passed away. My Mother had been care taking for her since last December. They moved her from her home in Michigan. Another plus to living next door to my parents is that I got to spend a lot of time with Nanny after years of only seeing her a handful of times each year.
Last November she was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease at age 77. It seemed as if she had a mini stroke, her speech was a tad slurred and she just seemed a little different. Finally, she went to Mayo clinic and they figured out what she had. It was such a shock to our family. Nanny was such an active woman. She could do anything from paint a room to lay flooring. She enjoyed gardening more than anything. She loved walking and having coffee with her friends. She had such high energy! It was interesting to watch her decline. Sad, of course! But, interesting because even until the end she was my smiling, loving, hugging Nanny. The disease could not take that from her. She was on a feeding tube and was unable to talk for such a long time. That seemed to happen so quickly. I was not with her the early morning that she passed, but I was with her the entire day prior. She had went into a coma state that weekend. It was as if her spirit had already left and her body was just there. I do not fear death like I used to. I have been so near to death with all my grandparents (Nanny was my last grandparent to go). It's amazing that beauty can be found in watching someone breathe their last breaths. I suppose I can only feel this way because I believe in God and life beyond this. Loss is never easy. There are so many times where I've wanted to shout to the world...STOP, someone I love has died!!! But, as Robert Frost said..."In 3 words I can sum up everything I know about life: it goes on." We are meant to keep moving. And, as I like to believe - moving towards the light.
This picture was taken by me with my cell phone the morning of Nanny's funeral in Escanaba, Michigan.

My Girls

Some could say, "they are just dogs." But, I disagree. I wake up every morning to Molly's head resting on the side of the bed. She stares at me, it's a little creepy - but, cute all at the same time. I can't brush her off. When she's ready to go, she's ready to go. She has replaced my alarm. Roxy also wakes up early, thanks to Molly. She likes to jump on Roxy and bite her ears to get her day going. Roxy and I don't love Molly in the morning. But, we wouldn't trade her. She's the life in the house.

They are in my morning routine. Watching my every move. They know my order. They know the drill. They watch me blowdry my hair (and sometimes I have to stop because Molly is suddenly M.I.A and I just know she is chewing someone's shoes)! We practice their tricks
before I head off for my day (they will do anything for cheese). They are smart girls. Ready to shake or 'be a bear,' whenever I ask.

They sleep all day and sometimes Grandma comes and lets them out, but mostly they just sleep. And, when I come home they are full on energy. Their nubs shake when they see me and I can just feel their happiness that I am home. Their favorite is when all of us our home together, myself, Rob, Emily.

These girls are mine. They lick my face when I cry. If I'm sitting on the floor they will come and plop down on my lap. My girls weigh 75 and 85lbs., but I don't mind. I feel loved. I am loved.

Roxy's my best friend and Molly's my baby. Their favorite things to do are to chase squirrels, ride in the car, and wake Emily up : )

You see, they could never be "just dogs." They are my family, my sweet sweet girls. And, sometimes - like this morning - they are enough.

Faith Filled

(written for August 22nd, 2011 - 3yr. anniversary of Faith)

Three years to the day,
we had to let you go,
to our Father in Heaven
Master of the show.

He brought me to my knees
and continues to keep me there.
It may seem cruel to some
but, I know He hears my every prayer.

"He giveth and He taketh,"
and this I have come to understand.
I won't disect His purpose,
I feel Him carry me in this sand.

It's true that I long to be a mother
to someone living here on Earth.
It's also true that I desire to be His daughter
the one who knew me before my birth.

I'll pick up my cross daily.
and at times I'll set it down.
For this burden feels awful heavy
but, my desire is for the crown.


I have on occassion been given the opportunity to witness for Christ. I have been able to tell people that losing Faith brought me on a true Faith journey with the Lord. A sacrifice if you will. One that I did not get to choose, one that I would not have chose. But, only He knows what we can handle and only He knows how to get us right where He wants us. He has me, He has my attention. And, I love Him.

Year one was so devastating. So many feelings and emotions to wade through. A deep, deep sense of loss. This was the year of resting in the Lord.

Year two was different. I was ready to "try" for another baby and it just wasn't happening. And, that brought upon different feelings and emotions to swim through. This was the year of trusting in the Lord.

Year three. Oh, the year of Hope. I've sat at His feet. I've trusted His plan. And, I've gave my shot at Hope. Hope that yes, I am meant to be someone's mommy. I've done a lot of Plan B'ing this year. Life without children of my own...got another dog (Oh, how I love my Molly pup-she has truly brought me Joy, I needed her), lost weight and have developed a healthier lifestyle, have read more books than ever! Focusing on all sorts of things ... unrelated to having a baby. This is good, people would say. Get your mind off of it. Don't think about it and it will happen, etc. To be honest, I'm having a hard time with the hoping. But, I am trusting (I can do that one) that He knows my heart.

I really just want to release it all. Like a butterfly that I've been holding tightly in the palm of my hand, I want to open my hand and let her fly.

Mary

We have this client named Mary who comes into our Salon every Friday morning at 9:00am for a manicure. She is 89 years old, lives by herself, and still drives. Her husband recently died, he was well known in our community. Mary is in full mental health. She dresses to the nines! You would never believe that she is 89.

Last Friday, Mary did not show up for her manicure. It was 9:08am and Lisa, one of our receptionists, had a bad feeling. Teresa who does her manicures knew that Mary lives alone and her children do not live nearby. Mary never misses a manicure appointment. If she is going to be gone, she moves it in advance. She is usually ten minutes early. All of this to say that Mary not showing up to an appointment is a big deal. Teresa remembered that one of our clients is Mary's neighbor and her and Lisa asked me to call. I called her cell phone and left her a message asking if she knew if Mary was ok etc. At the time I left the message I never imagined that Mary was in need of help. Her neighbor called me back within 20 minutes and said that she was surprised to receive my call because that very morning, as she left for work, she noticed that Mary's garbages were not out on the street (it was garbage day) and that her newspaper was still sitting on the front porch. This was also very un-Mary like behavior. She thought maybe she was gone spending time with one of her daughters. Once she got my call, however, she too felt something was wrong and called the police.

The police were able to get into Mary's home and discovered her in her bed unable to move. They called for an ambulance and Mary was taken to a local hospital where they found that she suffered a mini stroke.

We all cried tears of joy. Joy to be a part of something so important. I never wonder if there is a God anymore, but if I did I am pretty sure this moment would have helped me to further my belief.

Of all days for Mary to have a mini stroke...Friday morning when she has a set appointment where people would notice her missing. For Lisa to have a bad feeling. For Teresa to know who her neighbor is! For me to not think to much and just call that neighbor. For that neighbor to already have been thinking something seemed off. For her to not hesitate and to call the police. For the police to be able to get into her home. Divine connectivity.

Mary is ok. She is a little weak, but other than that she is good. And, this morning her daughter brought her to her 9:00am nail appointment. She wasn't early like usual but, she was right on time. Just like God always is. Right on time.

Journey to Wings

The other night, while lying in bed, I felt prompted to write in my "Journey to Wings" journal. This is what came out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The stirrings in my heart continue.
They cause waves - thundering waves,
that if ignored will come crashing upon me.

I wish to flow with them, easily,
into my dreams that lie dormant
waiting - ever so patiently -
for me to awaken them.

I understand the creative process
is not meant to be hurried along,
but I know I am getting closer to touching
the sky.

All the wrestling, all the searching,
all the reading, all the writing,
all the knocking ... will be unveiled.
In His time.

I will see the other side of the sun.
I know darkness.
I am ready to experience joy.

I am no longer okay with being frozen.
Fear and its death grip are slowly melting.
I wish to soar, to flap my wings
loudly - clumsily - straight into the life
that I am called to.

It's no mystery. It's no well kept secret.
It is mine for the taking.
I simply must get over myself,
and look straight up.

Waiting 4 Inspiration

This weekend I purchased new cleaning supplies in hopes that I would become inspired to clean our home. Overall, it's clean. But, what I was looking to do was deep clean. You know spring cleaning, though it sure doesn't feel like spring ... which is why I think that I am struggling majorly!

My life is lacking that extra "umpf." My life energy is waaaay down!

I continue to learn that inspiration is not going to swoop down, miraculously, and save me. Inspiration is something to move towards. You have to meet it.

So, I grabbed my newest addition to the cleaning product family ... Spot Shot and tackled every spot on the carpet. I love my puppy, but she has not been good for the living room floor. Inspiration has started (very slowly) moving through my veins.

Next up ... mopping all the floors with my new Mr. Clean febreze freshness cleaner (lavender and vanilla scented)!

So just remember (as I continue to remind myself) ... if you're looking to become inspired, just begin. Just start moving. Don't wait to feel like moving. Once you start moving, you'll feel like it. You just will.

Waiting 4 inspiration is like waiting for someone to deliver a cheeseburger that you didn't order. Waiting 4 inspiration is like waiting for a bus to come in the middle of a cornfield. Waiting 4 inspiration is very depressing. I'm not waiting anymore.

Good Friday

Life has been quite challenging, lately. The weather has been symbolic of all that I've been feeling ... rainy, sunless, dark, cold. I actually have been thinking of seeing someone like a counselor, someone to talk through some of these feelings. But, that door keeps being closed in interesting ways. I'm trying not to read too much into that and stay open to encountering the right person to talk to. Meantime, I continue to go to Him. Molly has been a blessing in that I get up before 6am every morning (she demands it). I make my coffee, put it in a pretty mug, and sit down with my daily devotional. It's funny how you would think this time with the Lord would make everything better ... I thought that is what it would do. But, I've been feeling worse and I know in my heart it's because unresolved issues are being brought to light that I need to deal with. He's not punishing me, He's saving me from myself. It truly hurts to grow in the Lord. He's doing a big work in me and I know that if I stay close to Him someday I will be on the other side of a lot of these feelings.
Today, is yet another dreary weather day. And, I don't feel up to par. However, in honor of Jesus who died for our sins on this day - I am choosing to be joyful, whatever it takes. This life is a gift, there are so many blessings as I look around. I will not be defeated. Thank you, Jesus, for your coming and going.

Is God aloof from human pain
That ravages our mortal frame?
Oh, no, Christ felt our agony
When sin and death He overcame! - D.De Haan

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9

Life Without T.V?

Molly pup is getting bigger by the day. You would think I couldn't see her growing since I see her so much, but having Roxy to compare her to makes it really easy to tell. Molly and Roxy literally stand up on their back legs and proceed to push each other around with their front legs. Picture bears fighting! It's a morning and evening routine that they have with each other. It's actually very entertaining. I left work, this evening, and called Rob on my way home. I could tell he was really upset. He said I would see why when I got home. The dogs wrestled right into our beautiful big screen t.v, knocked it to the ground, and ruined it. There's a dent which has ruined the picture completely. It looks psychedelic. If I wanted to, I could turn it on right now and at least hear who is getting the boot on American Idol, but I think that would just depress Rob. It's an expensive t.v, we bought it 2 Christmas's ago - our gift to each other. It was the only t.v that we own.

To be honest, tonight I don't care. It's just a t.v. We don't have anything beyond basic t.v so it's not like we're getting charged for having service. We don't watch all that much t.v. (mostly because we have less than ten channels). Emily will miss playing Donkey Kong on Wii, I'm sure.

This t.v thing is the least of my worries, tonight. And, that is all I can muster.

I figured if I at least wrote something that maybe it would propel me into writing more. I sure miss it. I feel disconnected without it.

So, there it is... we have no t.v. - my grand entrance back into the blogging world.

The funny thing is when I walked in the door tonight they were the same as always...so happy to see me, smiling away - having no idea what they even did. I don't know what I expected ... to find them in the corner with their heads down and those sad, sad eyes? Or better yet at Wal-Mart pushing a cart to the front counter that contained an even bigger t.v ;)

Snow Day!

I have always had this dream of getting snowed in and being forced to stay home! And, it has actually happened. We knew yesterday that today our corner of the world was going to shut down, so I was able to move all of our clients and know ahead of time that our business would definitely not be open.

This past Friday, I actually got a puppy!!! I am so thrilled that Rob allowed this to happen. He really did not want another dog, but marriage is full of compromises...not to mention I had to make a lot of deals to get this baby girl!



We named her Molly because she is just so darn sweet. Molly has always been a name that signified sweet to me. She is an 8week old Rottweiler and I am so in love with her. She already knows how to sit and as long as we pay attention to her she does not have accidents in the house. She is used to going outside! The one thing that is hard is getting sleep! She likes to wake up in the middle of the night and cry...not just a little whimper, a full blown sounds like someone is being hurt cry! It's amazing to me that I always sleep thru Rob's alarm. But, the sound of this puppy howling is an instant up for me! Roxy is getting more and more used to her. She loves to bite Roxy's paws and ears and she even puts her whole head in Roxy's mouth. It's pretty cute though I am always nervous about Roxy forgetting how big she is and really hurting her. The fact that I have been able to spend quality time with them has really helped get her trained quickly as well as give Roxy supervised time to get to know her.

There is plenty to do here (always), but being with my doggies is all that really matters on this snowy day.

Speak to Me

I remember the first time He tried to speak to me. God, that is. I was in high school and I was not in a good place. I know it might be hard to believe, seeing as how I turned out alright, but I was terrible back then. Hung out with people my parents did not approve of, lied, snuck out...you name it. I was bad. Just thinking about what I put my parents through makes me want to cry. Thinking about the fact that Emily is fast approaching her teenage years scares me! Because no matter how good of a job parents do, the people you hang around with become your main influence. And to think, my bad years were well before kids having cell phones, texting, facebook, email, etc. Oh, so scary!

One night I was in my room, listening to music, by myself. I was going through some rough times. And, then the radio station changed...without any involvement from me. It turned to a Christian program and though I do not remember the lyrics of the song, they spoke straight to my heart. And, somehow in that moment...I knew. I knew that He was trying to get my attention. That is the first time I recognized Him. This doesn't mean that it's the first time He tried to speak to me, it's just the first time that I took notice.

Since that time in high school, I have had many experiences with God. Unless, you have had a God experience, it might simply sound like coincidence. But, I don't believe in those...I believe in a perfect, behind the scenes orchestration, by a perfect and all knowing God.

On Wednesday nights I attend a small group, led by a recently retired Pastor of the church that I attend. I have grown to love Dennis. He is the real deal. He has this gentle wisdom which I respond very well to. This week has been hard for many reasons and I just haven't felt much like myself. I did not want to go to small group this week, just did not want to go! But, when I sign up for something-I take it seriously...so I made myself go. And, the entire time I just felt closed off. I felt like if I spoke I would have an emotional melt down. So, I was quiet and mostly off in my own little world. Then, Dennis closed with prayer. Normally, he just prays for what we've asked him to pray for (I didn't ask for prayer for anything or anyone, normally I do). But, instead he spoke the most beautiful prayer. It was powerful, it was transforming, it was absolutely God using his son, Dennis, as a vessel of His fierce and unwavering love for us. I know the prayer was for all of us, but I totally felt that God was speaking straight to my heart. The floodgates opened, I couldn't hold them back. After the prayer, I simply got up and went into the bathroom and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. You see, God always meets me where I'm at. He knows I have this point that I always reach...borderline depression, if you will. He knows I can't go there, I won't. I have SO much to be thankful for. But, every once in awhile I hit this spot...where I feel like I am at the ledge. I can hear the Devil whispering that God doesn't care because if he did he would give me a baby and not the crack-whore who has 5 kids by 5 different guys.

I think of Job, in the bible, and how the Devil told God (this is my paraphrasing) let's see how much Job loves you, God...it's easy for him to love you when he has everything, but take it all away, and see if he still does. I feel like this. I am thankful that not everything has been taken away. But, something has been taken away. And, as I've said many times - though it hurts like hell, I am thankful. Thankful for the place where I came crashing down to my knees because it is there that I really began my journey with God.

Puppy Please!

I realized today that this blog, for me, is about working through the loss of our baby and gaining the courage to hopefully have another. There are so many things that I could write about at any given time, but each time I hop on here with my thoughts...only one subject really surfaces.
Yesterday, we watched the Bears/Packers game at my parents house. Their friends were over with their 2 Rottweiler puppies...yep, count them out...not one, but two pups! I was in heaven. A 12 week old girl (sweet, sweet girl) and an 8 week old boy. I could not get enough of them. The boy that they got is from a newly released litter and the rest of the pack is only 15 minutes from here. They have 5 females left and 2males. I would definitely get a girl. They are much more mellow. Roxy has been a dream boat. I told Rob that I don't even want babies, I just want puppies. I think that was my way of trying to not have to wait to get another dog. He told me that he absolutely did not believe that I wanted puppies over a baby. But, yesterday...oh, yesterday I did.
I remember being a kid and always wanting to lay on the floor with my arms wrapped tightly around whatever dog(s) we had at the time. I do this with Roxy. I can't explain the love I have for dogs, but sometimes it's so strong I really do think maybe, just maybe I could survive on just having dogs as my kids. I know plenty of people that do. It's never by choice, it's just a coming to terms with not having kids of your own. I'm not giving up on that...merely trying not to think about it. So, in the meantime of whatever God is up to - I will lay on the floor with my girl, and work on Rob to go get one of those puppies!!! I need one. Neeeeeeeed one!

My Choice

I recently read the BEST book on writing that I've ever encountered. It spoke to me so deeply that I was actually (this close) to writing the author a letter. I decided to look him up online, follow his blog (if he has one), buy all his books...you name it, I was totally 100% into him. And then I saw IT. A book by my beloved about Atheism. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt so I looked through a few pages (knowing that I was on the verge of disappointment) and yes ... my guy who was about to become my favorite (and I take choosing favorites very seriously) author is an atheist.

I feel shattered. This brings up all sorts of feelings inside of me. Volcano style.
To sin is one thing, but to completely denounce God Almighty is another. I am not condoning sinning here I am just simply saying that going through life with so much creativity, passion, & purpose...and giving yourself all the credit for it is crazy to me! His book isn't saying that I shouldn't believe in God, but it is saying that I can get through life (and have a creative, passionate existence) without the one that I love so much. No thank you, mister. No thank you.

Oh, the narrow path. Your rewards are many, your challenges are daily. But, I choose you. I will always choose you.

You Have Not...

...because you ask not. The last time my growth group (through church) met was before Christmas. There were only 3 of us and the Pastor who leads our group. It was a very emotional night. Less really is more. I love when a lot of people show up, but it's definitely more intimate when there are just a few of us, especially when the other 2 people are the ladies that I love dearly and sit next to in church on Sunday mornings.
Dennis started our time together with this question, "how can we pray for you?" and so I asked that they pray for my Nanny (mom's mom who just moved in with my parents...diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease). This family is never at a loss for people to pray for and it's alright because it keeps us close to the Lord. At the end of our session, Dennis noted that we do not ask for prayers for ourselves. This really struck a chord with me and I got super emotional. I told them that I find it very hard to ask them to pray for me. Dennis (who has been a Pastor for many, many, many years) said that is not unusual. While I was sitting there I realized something very important. I have never asked God for a baby. I have been prayed over, prayed for. I have read the bible, gone to church, joined a small group, met with my Dr., started taking nutritional supplements, wrote in my journal. But, I have never actually went to God wholeheartedly and asked Him.
I broke down at group that night because I learned that I am afraid to ask Him for that. I didn't want to ask the group for what I wanted for fear of it happening! Crazy, right?! I want a baby, but I don't really. Actually, I want a baby - but, I don't want to lose a baby. Going through that once is one thing. But, now that I know just because you get pregnant doesn't mean you're going to have a baby - I am simply afraid.
But, something happened at Church yesterday. I never stand up for the worship part of the service (and I sit in the FRONT row). I promised myself that no matter how I felt about standing up during worship that I would make myself stand up. So, I did. And, it definitely felt more powerful. I am always into it, but yesterday I was totally into it. The sermon was amazing...all about how we're made for so much more and how we really need to believe in each other to become all that God wants us to be. But, before the sermon something happened inside of me. The floodgates opened and I sobbed before the Lord (thank goodness the music is loud and the lights were dim). And, I asked...I begged...and I pleaded. And, in that moment I just knew...I knew that I would not have to adopt 30 dogs to be happy. I knew that I would not need to travel far away to "get" a baby to become a mother. Because He is going to provide. He is taking His time with me because not everybody is made to jump right back in the saddle again. He knows I am someone who needs lots of time to work things out. He wants my heart to be ready. And, truthfully I don't know that my heart will ever be 100% ready - but, He reminds me ... one step at a time. And, it may be my step in the sand or it may be His...but, either way we're moving forward.

New Year's Baby

Baby Faith should have been born January 1st, 09. It's no guarantee that she would have actually been born on the first day of the year, but that was her due date and I always thought that was pretty cool. This year, my awesome friend Amber who is so special to me had her baby girl on New Year's Day! My sadness has been replaced with joy! It's always amazing when you actually stop to take a peek backwards and see how far you've really come. I wasn't sad on New Year's Day, this year. Not because I am over my loss, but because I have truly come to terms with it all. I still cry, I still have moments...but, they continue to become fewer and farther between. Life has but one direction and it's forward. So forward march I go.

There are times, however, where I do want to grab that pain from the not so distant past and soak in it... so as not to forget her. But, how could I ever forget her coming and going. It's the closest to the other side that I've ever traveled.

I know that God is with me and I know that He has a plan and I know that His plan is so much better than mine. Do I struggle with this knowledge? OF COURSE. Do I want to, on occasion, grab the reigns of my life back from Him? ABSOLUTELY. But, every day that a dream of mine doesn't come true, I trust him a little more. How could that be? How could I trust Him more the less I get what I want? Because in my not getting, I am leaning. And, I feel very deeply in my heart that He wants me to get to the point where I lean on Him for everything...not just in my want. Not just in my need. But, in ALL OF IT. He wants all of it. He is not a sometimes God. He is not a once in a while God. He is an every day God. An every moment God.

And, He is good...SO GOOD. Thank you Father, for the giving and the taking away. Damn it hurts, but getting to feel your comfort is worth it. You are worth it. It took a long time to be able to say that.

Do Less, Be More

I think with the end of each year and the beginning of a new, somehow someway I will "magically" be different. But, this morning I am taking note of how I still roll my eyes when I see a pile of dishes in the sink (rather than just getting them done real quick), I still haven't mustered up the energy to do the first workout of the year. I really, really think that vacuuming is overrated (and I have a good reason to vacuum...her name is Roxy). My project list is getting longer because items just aren't getting checked off.
The one difference though is that I'm okay (kinda' ok) with it all. I used to judge myself (harshly) by the to-do list. My Dad was raised to work...more work, not so much play. And, his big question to us throughout my growing up was always, "so what did you do, today." It was always about what was accomplished. It's not because he didn't want us to have fun, it's just because he was raised to work. He is retired and I believe he works harder than most working people. Every day he has a list that he works from...and he gets so much done! But, because of that - I've always judged how much of a person I was by how much I got done in a day. I didn't ever have days where I just sat around and watched t.v and monkeyed around on the internet or read a book all day, but these past few weeks I've actually had two full days like that...and you know what, it was AMAZING! And, better than that...I didn't feel guilty about it.
I read something once about how we're human BEINGS...not human DOINGS. There is something to say about just being. Just letting yourself be. And, I am pretty sure it is in that stillness that the magic can actually occur. I noticed that I've been laughing more. I've also noticed that I feel more relaxed. So, going into 2011 my resolution is simply going to be...to do less, but be more. The rest will come. I believe.