Embracing the Season

This year I am embracing the season! I have heard numerous times that the first Christmas without a loved one is terrible, but I have to admit that Grandma's passing has changed me in so many ways... for the better. Not necessarily noticeable ways that the outside world could detect. These changes are inside of me. I feel that when Grandma passed that I received a gift. I can't pinpoint it exactly, but it involves God's love and a peaceful heart (something I don't feel my heart has ever been). This is not to say that I don't miss her terribly. My Aunt Margie gave me Grandma's Daily Guidepost book for this year. Grandma loved reading those stories each day. When she was dying, we read them to her. I am so happy to have the last one that she was reading because I get how important that book was. For those of you that aren't familiar with it, it's a book that has a bible verse and little story for each day of the year...it helps you to start your day with God. Which is something that my Grandmother did her entire life.

I am actually more excited about Christmas this year then I have been since I was a child. I'm realizing how important and special traditions are...how they give you something to hold on to. The dynamics of a family change with each passing year. New traditions have to be made and I am excited to be in a position to create memories for my own little family. Emily has had her own (small) tree in her room since I came into her life. I bought ornaments and a purple tree skirt for it and she is so excited each year to decorate that tree. I feel proud because that was something I could give her. I also bought her a miniature nativity scene and each year that we bring it out we talk about the story of the birth of Christ. We also have a snowman that has the Christmas countdown on his belly. So each day that Emily is over she changes the number and announces to us how many days are left til' Christmas. These are moments that she will remember fondly. With each moment that I intentionally create for Emily, I think about my Grandma and how she was always doing that...creating moments for a little girl that would someday grow up and have her own family. Little did I know at the time that she was filling up my tank of things to hold on to. So much to hold on to.

The Herd

I've come to love the herd. The herd of animals that reside at my parents that is. They have been out of town for 1 week and 2 days (not that I am counting or anything). It feels like they have been gone for half a year. I'm not sure if it is because I am retrieving their mail, or because I am making sure their horses are still in the field, or if it has anything to do with the 20 cats that approach my jeep every time I roar up on the scene. Or maybe it feels like forever because each time I let the dogs out to run, I have to go on a man hunt to find them and bring them back to their kennel (these rascals make me appreciate my girl, Roxy, even more).

All I know is that I have come to love the herd. These animals are thrilled to see me (and just so you know a thrilled horse looks about as estatic as a non-thrilled horse, you really have to have a gift to tell the difference-ha!). I would like to think it's me...I've been known to be a dog, horse, or cat whisperer at times. But, I'm pretty sure their happiness involves food. I mean that's where most of my happiness lies.

The bottom line is that I am more whole when I am amongst these animals. Scooping up dog poo, carrying barn cats around like infants (that probably are infested with fleas), and doing the limbo underneath electric fences to get to the horses water trough just does it for me.

One thing that has occurred on my watch that I will not get over is that two kittens have gone missing. Mom kept the most recent litter of three kittens in their garage for the first few months of their lives because she really wanted to give them away rather than putting them amongst the wild ones at the barn. We ended up giving one to Melissa at the salon and the other two ended up down at the barn. I loved those kitties. I have never become attached to any of the barn cats until those two. And, they've been missing since Thursday. My hope was that they were on some sort of field trip. Or maybe they got tired of the barn and walked up to a nice warm home. Either way I refuse to believe that some animal got a hold of them. I prefer to live in denial. I know that's just life on "the farm," but that is the part I'll never get used to. It's a good thing Rob doesn't like cats, that will save us from having a house full when we live there. He recently told me that he'd rather have a pet pig then a cat. So, now I am reading Charlotte's Web and dreaming about having our very own pen full of pigs. He's going to have to be more careful about what he says to me.

Port Washington

One of these days I am going to get into a daily blogging habit, so much happens in a day...and I feel like writing about stuff days after the fact, just isn't as fun! But, I'll give it a whirl. Thanksgiving was lovely. My parents are out of town, so we spent the holiday with Rob's family. We don't get to spend much time with his family (other than his parents) so it was good quality time. Friday, I took the day off and for the first time ever did the "Black Friday" shopping. Rob was off - too - and we had Emily. We got up early and braved it out there in the world. It's hard to believe the economy is not doing well after seeing that mess! We did accomplish a lot and had a fun time, but it's not something I necessarily feel the need to do again. I worked yesterday and once I closed shop, Rob and I packed a bag and headed to Port Washington to stay at the
Port Hotel. It was outstanding. We received a gift certificate which is how we learned about the place. What a darling little town! Rob and I don't have much quiet alone time, so this gift was such a blessing! Our room had a fireplace and even better it had this ...

This is a Kohler “Water Haven” shower and we need to get one! The innkeeper told us that it cost about $8,000 and uses 12 gallons of water per minute (a normal shower is 2 gallons per minute). Whoa! Talk about feeling like you're under a waterfall.

Then, we came home today and I crashed this...

This is our Honda CRF 50 Dirtbike...which I clearly should not be riding! Needless to say, it has been an eventful weekend and I just feel really happy about it all...minus the bike crash, of course!

PW Book Signing

This week has been jam packed full of events. But, I'm just going to post about one thing at a time - otherwise this is going to be the longest post ever. I'll start with the Pioneer Woman book signing. Rob and I got there a few minutes prior to the start of the event. They were handing out numbers...we were number 253!!! Once you got your number you could walk around the store and hop back into the line at any time. We hadn't had dinner, yet, so we decided to walk next door to Maggiano's Little Italy. Yum! A little wine and a lot of pasta later, we went back to the signing...thinking our number would be close to being up. Not even close! She has this chair next to her behind the desk she was signing at and EVERY SINGLE PERSON got to sit down with her, have their book signed, and have a little conversation with her. I told Rob, "this is going to be really cool once it's our turn." We made some friends in the line, traded up our numbers as people were getting tired of waiting, and made the best of the waiting situation. We finally traded up to number 176. A little better. We didn't meet her until 11pm and I know that because right when I sat down with her they came up to tell her the store closes now so they basically wanted her to speed it up. There were LOTS of people behind us still. She was great. I then got to meet Marlboro Man (her husband) who was also really cool. He was impressed that Rob came with me and waited that entire time. Here are some pics from that event... (yeh, I know...I look like a cheese ball. You'd think I was meeting a major celebrity).

This is the Day...

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."
Psalm 118:24

What a week this has been. I can't even form it into words. It has been challenging, to say the least. This morning I had to just stop and spend quiet time with the Lord to be able to go on. Definitely needed to renew my spirit!

I hopped online after that and found that one of my favorite bloggers (http://thepioneerwoman.com) who just turned author is at the Barnes and Noble at Old Orchard Mall TONIGHT. She is the one who wrote the cookbook that I posted about. I am SO excited. I called Rob and he said he would go with me...what a guy! I don't find many opportunities to be spontaneous in my very scheduled life. So, this is a real treat. I did have to cancel dinner at Mom's, but she understands :)

Tomorrow, myself and the girls are going to see New Moon. If you haven't read the Twilight Series, you should. I vowed to never read those books, I couldn't understand how people got all sorts of crazy about vampires and werewolves. But, I needed to see what the fuss was all about. I read a ton, so I was curious to see what my opinion would be. Two words...LOVE IT.

This morning, I am on my way to "jail." It's a fundraiser to raise money for Muscular Dystrophy which my nephew, CJ, has. I had to raise $800 to make my bail...and I did it (and then some). I feel excited about that because this is something I CAN do. When a loved one has an illness, you feel helpless. You can't make it disappear. I definitely pray for that miracle and I definitely have my hope in the Lord. But, I also want to actively do something. So, this feels good. In addition, when Grandma passed we asked that in lieu of flowers a donation be made to one of three organizations. One of them was Muscular Dystrophy. So, in addition to my bail...I am bringing over $1,000, in checks, in remembrance of my very special Grandma. Praise God!

I think it's safe to declare...that today is going to be a really great day.

Prisoner of Hope

"Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you." Zechariah 9:12

Today has been a joy-filled day. From the moment I woke up, I felt it was going to be a fun day. Got my favorite coffee from my favorite local coffee joint, had a delightful day at work, and actually worked out in our fitness studio before coming home! It felt amazing. So what if I walked 27 minutes on the treadmill while reading a magazine that caught me up on the celebrity gossip. It still counts ... :)

I received a gift card to Barnes and Noble for my birthday from a dear friend. I was so excited about getting new books and I just knew I wouldn't be near a store in the next few days, so I went on their website and ordered 3 books...with money to spare! They didn't even charge me shipping. Gotta love that.

The books arrived while I was at work today (which added to the already wonderful day I was having).

My book choices definitely reflect where I am at in my life. Here they are...

"The Smart Stepmom" (by Ron L. Deal and Laura Petherbridge)-Practical Steps to Help You THRIVE.
I am truly blessed with the Stepmom gig because Emily is a super kid. She is the type of kid that I could easily fall in love with even if I wasn't nuts about her Dad. I know that if Emily was a different kind of kid that I would definitely have a different kind of marriage. I didn't get the book because I have a rotten step kid or because I don't know how to handle her. I got the book because that is what I do. I am someone who is hell bent on consciously creating my life. I want to be the best Stepmom that I can be. I am very aware that I play a key role in her life. I feel that we are in each other's lives for a purpose. And, I need to know that I gave my best to what God has given me. I came into her life when she was 6 (she's now 9) and I thank God for that age because it's magical. 6 years old...they love their teacher, they are open to going with the flow. Our relationship has always been natural, never forced. A. because she is an awesome kid and B. because I love her like she was mine. She is mine, but in a different kind of way. Oh, and the best part of this book (that I've noticed so far) is that it references the bible! Ah, once again the "secret" ingredient to making any relationship work.

"The Pioneer Woman Cooks" (Ree Drummond) Recipes From an Accidental Country Girl. Ree actually writes one of my favorite blogs (thepioneerwoman.com).
She is my kind of writer...inspiring, creative, real and hilarious! This is her first book and it's now a New York Times Bestseller thanks to her blog. I feel a shift in my life where I want to be more of a caretaker (not in a healthy, I'm not taking care of myself kind of way)...like I want to feed people...with joy in my heart! I know Ashley (www.ourlovelikeafingerprint.blogspot.com) hears me loud and clear. We've had this conversation (and then some). :) By the way Ash, I still don't know how to do links on here!!!

And, finally the book that inspired this post to begin with (gosh it took a long time for me to get to this point).
"It's Your Time" (Joel Osteen). In the book, Joel immediately noted Zechariah 9:12 and how we should be prisoners of Hope! I really feel that having hope is what I need to be focused on right now. And, when I say focused ... I mean the horse blinders have got to be on! Like a one track mind for hope. Hope is something that I currently sway in and out of. Today, I am hopeful...but, that is because it's been a spectacular day. Tomorrow, I might feel hopeless. I know that God is working to get me to the point of being hopeful no matter the weather. I truly believe that we are not yet pregnant because God is building up Hope in my heart. He wants me to be expectant, not doubting. He knows I can't get to that place if I immediately get what I want. It's really interesting to me that the less I get what I've been asking for...the more of a believer I become. I guess because it all just takes time! It's a slow process...not a quick fix like this world wants to offer us at every turn.

If I have to suffer to know God, so be it. I can honestly say that I would much rather be walking the narrow and painful path...than the wide and fleeting path.

I had the best day ...

...with you, today!

Today is Veteran's Day and it is also Rob and my 2nd Anniversary!!! When we chose November 11th, it was without realizing that it is a National Holiday. This has turned out to be a double blessing as Rob gets that day off each year. So, I took the day off - too. It has been a wonderful day. We ate out for all 3 meals...now if that doesn't make for a spectacular day!!! Yep, I like food.

I am super happy being married to Rob. He just gets it. I remember when we first started dating I was afraid that him being so amazing wasn't going to last. It was all too good to be true! Then, I met his parents...and I knew he was the real deal. He comes from good people.

He is thoughtful, generous, playful, funny and very loving. He is definitely more romantic than me...always full of surprises. He makes my life easier...whether it be making my lunch while I am rushing to get ready for work early on Saturday mornings, or putting gas in the car because I always (and I do mean always) wait for the "dummy" light to come on!

I told him that on 11-11-11 (which will be our 5 year anniversary) that we should do something crazy special...I'm thinking some place WARM.

Feeling the Love

Yesterday, Mom and I went to a hair show in Lake Geneva at the Grand Geneva Resort (love it). The staff of stylists went both Sunday and Monday. They were able to earn their CEU's (hours they have to maintain to keep their license valid) as well as become inspired and learn some new techniques! Today, we are going to meet and discuss the show so they can give each other tips they acquired and ideas/suggestions that they might have. Looking forward to that.

We went to a wonderful class in the morning that really renewed my working spirit. I have a tendency to become "bogged down" by information. So many great ideas, so little time and energy to maintain the focus that is necessary. Yesterday's class, however, was all about loving your staff and thinking about them and their goals. You can't help but be a success when the focus is off of you and what you are going through. When the focus is placed on others, everyone wins!

This made me think about Jesus and how he was a servant leader. He washed his disciples feet so that they would learn from him to do the same. I read somewhere how the best way to cure feelings of depression is to stop thinking about yourself and think about someone else...by calling them, sending them a card, taking them to lunch (the options are endless). I have definitely found that when I am focusing too much on myself, I am not really happy. Because I am spending precious time thinking about what I should/could be doing...how I could fix this or that about myself and my life. When really the only thing I "should" be doing is slowing down, taking it all in, loving others, thinking about others and how I might brighten their day (rather than my own). In turn, I will feel a whole lot better.

All this from a hair show!!! Definitely feeling the love today.

Speaking of love... My favorite nephew, CJ, turns 8 today!!!

Resurrection

Sunday I began a resurrection project. There's no looking back. It's an uphill journey and it's going to be for awhile.

Sunday, I spent the entire day at Grandma and Grandpa's house by myself. I am officially the Project Manager. The organizer. The decision maker. You see my Grandparents have a beautiful home that Rob and I will be moving into someday. But, it's filled with lots and lots of stuff. I spent the day sorting through cabinets, drawers, medicine cabinets, closets. Looking each item over, thinking about it, making a decision about where it will end up. It was emotionally exhausting. But, it was also extremely inspiring (more on that in a future post).

What day will we move in? I haven't a clue. I mean we still have a house to sell. I found a little note in a drawer that said my Grandparents moved in on February 4th, 1961. I imagine the excitement they must have felt to finally have it built. To move in and call it Home. To raise the family there. To grow old there. It's that kind of place. The one that you move in to and stay put for a long, long time. It's a commitment.

But, it's filled with endless possibilities for creating precious life-filled moments. I can look out the windows and see hundreds of trees, a family of deer, foxes, lots and lots of barn cats, horses. We can hop on our go-cart, scooter, or my brother's 4-wheeler. Heck a John Deer tractor or a backhoe if we wanted!!! Roxy will have lots of smelling to do. She can chase kitties into the woods (she would never hurt one, she just wants to be friends). She can go visit Grandma (my Mom) and eat leftover steak (hot and fresh off of the grill). There will be endless leaves to rake and then jump in, wood to chop and then burn in the fireplace, brownies to bake for unexpected visitors, meals to pray over. There will be beautiful sunsets over the field, flowers to plant, weeds to pull, tons of grass to mow. A great place to raise kids. I love the idea of our children playing near the stream, riding their bikes down the big hill, learning about nature...rather than sitting in front of a t.v playing video games.

This is the kind of place that needs a lot of attention...in fact, this house begs for it. This house is very much alive. This house has spirit. This house is used to activity. This house is used to love. This house is used to laughter. This house is used to smelling like freshly baked cookies. Rob and I have been mulling over the decision for a long time now. Going back and forth. Telling ourselves that we aren't the kind of people that can keep up a house like this. So much house, so much landscaping. We already feel busy.

In those final moments of hesitation, the house won by throwing down two cards that it knew we couldn't resist ... Family and Joy.

Scanning Junkie!

I am so stoked about one of my birthday presents that I received from Rob. It's a printer/scanner. I have never scanned a picture in my life (well, once at Walgreens). It's one of those things that in my mind was hard. Well, tonight I have turned into a scanning junkie! I am so digging this. After Grandma passed pictures became very important to me...looking at pictures, taking pictures. She was really great at documenting Her life. So, in honor of Grandma and my new addiction...here is my first ever scanned picture. It's me and Grandma in front of our 'someday' house. And, because Grandma was so good at documentation...I know that this picture was taken in May of 1980 (I was a year and a half).
This is my shortest post - ever !!! But, I'm out because I've got some serious scanning to do. Ha!

63 & 31

Tomorrow my Dad will be 63 and I will be 31. Next year I will be exactly half his age. Sharing your birthday with someone as important as your Father makes your birthday extra special. Double the joy! Mom always makes an amazing dinner (our favorite is roast and mashed potatoes). Usually she makes us both our own cake. Mine is always Red Velvet and Dad's is usually Banana (some years his cake request is different). One year Mom was out of red food coloring and made me a Purple Velvet cake. This year she is not making my cake, it's the first time - ever. It's a lot of work (she does not make cakes from a box), I told her not to worry about it. I meant it, but at the same time I just felt like things are starting to change. Grandma won't be here.

One of my greatest friends ever, Erin, called me tonight and told me her Mom has Lymphoma... cancer. Tomorrow, they find out exactly what stage it is in. I can never get used to the fact that life can take a serious turn in one single day. I am sad over a cake and the change that signifies, and here my dear friend is worrying about her Mother's future. The good news is that the family is close and have Faith. I am reminded over and over again that life is a gift. We are blessed to even be living and breathing on this Earth.

The fact is life here on Earth is not fair. People who don't want babies become pregnant. People who want babies can't have babies. People who take good care of themselves get cancer. People who drink and smoke and do drugs don't get cancer. I can't even try to make sense of this.

I have moments of feeling defeated by all that surrounds me. So many people that I love are hurting. But, I will not disappoint God by not trusting His plan for all of His children. We were not promised an easy road. But, we were promised that we would not be alone.


Tonight, Rob and Emily surprised me with a Red Velvet cake from a local bakery. So, it wasn't Mom's homemade - but, it was still given to me with love. And, it was good. A reminder that while life changes ... (and it has to)... new traditions can begin.