Is this your First?

My least favorite question, the one I always dread, during this pregnancy is this... "Is this your first?" I always have to say yes even though in my heart, Eli is not my first baby. But, I'm not going to make people that I don't know that well and strangers feel bad for asking me if this is my first baby. So, I simply say ... yes. It bothered me so much more in the beginning. I felt like I was betraying baby Faith. Like I was denying that she existed. It took me a long time to be ok about saying my (quiet) yes. God knows, my heart knows, and the people who really matter know. So, that has to be enough. I am 35 weeks pregnant (as of yesterday). 35 weeks!!! It's such a blessing...a total dream come true. Eli and I are safe. That's what 35 weeks feels like. It's the home stretch and we're going all the way. I LOVE, love, LOVE this part of pregnancy. My belly is big, it's obvious there is a baby in there (and not 30 quarter pounders from McDonalds...though they are in there - too) and I feel him moving a lot. He's big, I can tell by his movements... they've definitely changed over these past few weeks. My last ultrasound (week 32) showed that he is in position for a natural birth! I am trying not to freak myself out about labor and delivery. I did deliver Faith so Rob and I do have experience in this (he's a great coach and I'm a warrior when I need to be-ha!)...but, this baby is going to be much bigger! Again, trying not to dwell on that. I know my wanting to see him, so badly, will get me through the fear and pain. I'm going to be a mama in 5 wks (maybe less). I am beyond excited for the opportunity. I didn't know how this would all play out and I am so glad that I blogged about the journey from loss, to lack, to now this ... God is Mighty. I feel Eli moving as I type this. He agrees that God is mighty :) No baby Eli is not my first, but I'll be a better mama to him for it.