A Moment of Silence

Life is a blur and then you die.
Life is a whirlwind and then you fall down.
Life is moving fast and I don't want to keep up anymore.

I am exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I realized today that I've turned to a new coping mechanism. I used to have other ones, but as I've evolved as a more whole person I have let them go. Busyness has become my drug of choice. I've become overly involved. Tonight, I seriously think I had a breakdown. It all started when I was carrying left-over food trays into the house from a party that our business co-sponsored. I dropped one of the huge trays in our driveway and the food spilled out (I'm sure there will be some appreciative, creepy animals out there later cleaning that mess up). I seriously wanted to lay down in the snow and cry. Rob did stop by the party earlier, but had to get home and get some sleep because he has been getting up at 12:30am (bless his heart) the past two days for snow cleanup. He was sleeping soundly until his maniac wife (um, that would be me) comes in slamming everything around. I couldn't help it...I went over the edge or something near it. He came out to see what in the world was happening in our kitchen and found me in a puddle of tears as I'm putting meatballs into tupperware. Sometimes you just need a good cry.

I realized I had to write tonight. Pretty or not. I'm just so tired of spinning life. I know that a lot of people feel this way. I am sure you do. I really think that is the cause of a lot of issues in our world today. We don't stop enough. I really just want to stop. Slow my roll. Shut er down.

I don't want to have to secure a date on the calendar in order to hit the pause button on my life. I want to incorporate the stopping into my daily life. I really like when you're at an event and the announcer says "can we now please have a moment of silence for such and such." I wish I had a loudspeaker that would pierce through this hectic world and just say..."um, can we please have a moment of silence before we all go postal!!!"

As I was typing the last paragraph, this bible verse came to mind (I bet you can guess who put it there).

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28

God constantly reminds me that it doesn't have to be this way. It's my choice. I say yes to the busyness. I choose the chaos. And, why do I do that? Why do we do that? I think it's because reacting to life is so much easier than creating life. Reacting is not really making decisions about what you want (or don't want) in your life...it's just going along with everything that is happening around you. Whereas creating your life is making decisions to leave things behind, to lead a more focused life.

Wide Path vs. Narrow Path. One is easier. One is harder. One is draining. One is fulfilling. I'm learning that walking the narrow path is a daily decision. A choice that has to be made every single day. Even Jesus had to go to the mountain and leave the people. I clearly need some time on the mountain.