Philippians 4:13

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

This was my Grandma's favorite bible verse. She went to be with the Lord, this morning, at 10:10am.

The details are hard, but necessary to write (for myself). Yesterday, I spent 13 straight hours at my Aunt's house just sitting. Sitting with Grandma, sitting with my family. I have done a lot of sitting. Sitting is different when you are near a deathbed. Time passes quickly in the room where she lay. I became addicted to the sitting. I couldn't look away from her for fear that I would miss the moment that He took her to be with Him. Lots of memorable conversations took place around that bed. There were a lot of tears...always a single box of kleenex being passed around the room. There was also laughter. Stories that I'd never heard, moments that will always be held near and dear to my heart.

Grandma was tense and clenching her teeth a lot yesterday. Her earthly body was agitated. It was hard to watch, but I kept watching. The hospice nurse called and said it was time for the morphine, it would calm her. But, it would also slow her heart. This was a big decision for my Dad and his 3 sisters...both of my Grandpa's died pretty quickly after the morphine was put into their systems. We all knew without having to say a word what this would mean. She made it through the night, we were all surprised (once again). But, I was so thrilled when I did not wake up to a dreadful phone call this morning. I knew then that I would have my wish of being with her when she passed. I called my mom and told her I was on my way and wanted to know what to expect. She told me that she was gasping for air and that it was close. I sat in the room and watched as she took those breaths. Every single one counted. The room was eerie. My Grandma has been on oxygen 24/7 for the past 3 or so years. My Dad asked us what we thought about taking it off (which I know was incredibly hard for him). Everyone agreed that it was prolonging her struggle. My mom (the brave one who is completely comfortable with doing dead people's hair) said that she would turn it off. As soon as she got up to go into the hallway to turn it off, my Grandma smiled her big beautiful smile. My mom missed it, but the rest of us didn't. It was confirmation to her children that what they were doing was good (because Lord knows it's not something that felt good). Not long after, her breathing slowed. And, then it stopped. We continued to sit. We sat with our tears. We sat with our relief that she is in a better place. We sat with each other... all thankful of having had her in our lives.

Something really cool happened before I left the house, this morning. I spotted the mail sitting on the table that Rob must have put there yesterday. And, of all things was a letter from Niha - the little girl in India (who shares Faith's birthday)that we are sponsoring through the Compassion Program. I wrote her a long, long time ago. I knew it would take awhile to receive a response because they tell you that up front. Of all days for me to read it. A coincidence? I don't believe in those. She drew and colored a picture of a mango! A translator introduced himself first and then wrote for her. She told me I was an angel sent by God for her life. I knew after I put the letter back into its envelope that God was near. And, I knew that today I would 'lose' my Grandma that I love so much. And, finally I knew that everything would be ok.


You can't help but travel deep within yourself when death of a loved one is just a breath away. I have all sorts of thoughts and feelings about this journey of 'losing' Grandma. But, today I just want to honor Her. Special, beautiful, lovely, precious, sweet, Grandma. I pictured her in Heaven surrounded by love and light. Not for the mere purpose of comforting myself...but, because I believe.