Embracing the Season

This year I am embracing the season! I have heard numerous times that the first Christmas without a loved one is terrible, but I have to admit that Grandma's passing has changed me in so many ways... for the better. Not necessarily noticeable ways that the outside world could detect. These changes are inside of me. I feel that when Grandma passed that I received a gift. I can't pinpoint it exactly, but it involves God's love and a peaceful heart (something I don't feel my heart has ever been). This is not to say that I don't miss her terribly. My Aunt Margie gave me Grandma's Daily Guidepost book for this year. Grandma loved reading those stories each day. When she was dying, we read them to her. I am so happy to have the last one that she was reading because I get how important that book was. For those of you that aren't familiar with it, it's a book that has a bible verse and little story for each day of the year...it helps you to start your day with God. Which is something that my Grandmother did her entire life.

I am actually more excited about Christmas this year then I have been since I was a child. I'm realizing how important and special traditions are...how they give you something to hold on to. The dynamics of a family change with each passing year. New traditions have to be made and I am excited to be in a position to create memories for my own little family. Emily has had her own (small) tree in her room since I came into her life. I bought ornaments and a purple tree skirt for it and she is so excited each year to decorate that tree. I feel proud because that was something I could give her. I also bought her a miniature nativity scene and each year that we bring it out we talk about the story of the birth of Christ. We also have a snowman that has the Christmas countdown on his belly. So each day that Emily is over she changes the number and announces to us how many days are left til' Christmas. These are moments that she will remember fondly. With each moment that I intentionally create for Emily, I think about my Grandma and how she was always doing that...creating moments for a little girl that would someday grow up and have her own family. Little did I know at the time that she was filling up my tank of things to hold on to. So much to hold on to.